Nicole Kidman, 57, opened up about her struggles with mortality and grief in a striking cover story for British GQ’s Men of the Year 2024 issue. The Oscar-winning actress shared how her perspective on life has evolved in her 50s, shaped by personal losses, raising children, and navigating marriage.
Facing Mortality in the Quiet Hours
Kidman admitted to often waking up in the middle of the night overwhelmed by thoughts of life and death. “Mortality. Connection. Life coming and hitting you. Loss of parents, raising children, marriage—all of it makes you a fully sentient human,” she said. “It’s definitely a journey. And it hits you as you get older—it’s a wake-up-at-3 a.m., crying and gasping kind of thing.”
The mother of four explained that confronting the reality of aging and loss has deepened her emotional awareness. “When you start to deal with the mortality aspect of life, it’s heavy. But it’s also beautiful and extraordinary,” she shared, adding that raising her children has given her a profound motivation to cherish every moment. “You think, ‘I have to stay here. I want to see all of this.’”
A Year Marked by Personal Loss
Kidman has faced profound grief in recent years, most notably the loss of her parents. Her father, Antony Kidman, passed away in 2014 from a suspected heart attack at the age of 75. In September of this year, her mother, Janelle, died suddenly at 84, just days after Nicole recorded her interview with GQ. The actress described her mother as her “compass” and credited her with shaping her values and career.
“She was my guiding force,” Kidman told Vanity Fair in a recent interview. “She wanted my sister and me to become women who could express ourselves and have opportunities, things she didn’t have in her generation.”
Nicole revealed her heartbreak that Janelle didn’t get to see her latest films, Babygirl and The Perfect Couple. “She was so excited about them,” Kidman said, adding that her mother had been a constant supporter of her work. “She would be there through all the ups and downs. I wish she could have seen this part of my journey.”
The Balancing Act of Motherhood
Kidman is a devoted mother to daughters Sunday Rose, 16, and Faith, 14, whom she shares with husband Keith Urban, her partner since 2006. She also has two adopted children, Bella, 31, and Connor, 29, from her previous marriage to Tom Cruise. However, her relationship with Bella and Connor has been strained in recent years due to their commitment to Scientology, a faith Kidman left after her split with Cruise.
Reflecting on her father’s death in 2014, Kidman recounted an emotional moment when her daughters, then just four and six years old, witnessed her grieving. “The little one didn’t know if I was acting or not,” she said. “She asked, ‘Mummy acting now?’ And the older one said, ‘No, mummy not acting now.’ They didn’t want a house full of sadness—who does?”
Grieving Through Art
Kidman’s latest work has been intertwined with her personal losses. She learned of her mother’s passing while attending the Venice International Film Festival, where she was honored with the Volpi Cup for Best Actress for her role in the erotic drama Babygirl. In a heartfelt statement read by director Halina Reijn, Kidman dedicated the award to her mother.
“I arrived in Venice to find out my beautiful, brave mother had just passed,” the message read. “I am in shock and have to go to my family, but this award is for her. She shaped me, guided me, and made me.”
Kidman later reflected on the collision of life and art, saying, “It’s heartbreaking, and my heart is broken.”
A Career and Life Shaped by Love and Loss
Through her grief and self-reflection, Kidman has remained steadfast in her dedication to her craft and family. She described her mother’s influence as a source of strength and inspiration that continues to guide her. “Her essence has been the driving force through my life,” Kidman said. “Even in her absence, she’s with me.”
As Kidman navigates this new chapter of her life, she remains fully “in it,” embracing the beauty and challenges of her journey.
