Engaging with a colleague’s social media photos, sending direct messages, or frequently checking in on Slack might seem harmless to some. However, to a significant other, this behavior could be interpreted as microcheating, which refers to actions that flirt with the boundaries of fidelity without crossing into physical or emotional affairs. The rise of remote work has intensified these dynamics, as explained by William Schroeder, a therapist based in Austin, Texas. Schroeder notes, “People are more involved in digital relationships, creating more opportunities for this behavior. Remote work environments lower the risk of getting caught.”
Microcheating, a concept brought into mainstream discussion by Australian psychologist Melanie Schilling, encompasses behaviors that one might hesitate to disclose to their partner. These can include secretive online interactions, spending extra time with colleagues, or sharing intimate details about one’s relationship.
Renowned psychologist Abby Medcalf, who hosts the “Relationships Made Easy” podcast, observes that microcheating often involves social media messaging. Medcalf emphasizes that while some couples dismiss these actions, others view them as significant. She advises that if a partner finds such behavior troubling, it shouldn’t be dismissed. “There’s no definitive right or wrong in relationships. It’s all about preferences,” she remarks. She also cautions against snooping, as it signifies trust issues.
To navigate these complexities, Schroeder suggests establishing clear boundaries early in a relationship, especially for couples who met via dating apps. Discussing whether to deactivate dating profiles or setting exclusive boundaries is crucial. He advises initiating these conversations proactively, “like ensuring your gas tank is full rather than waiting for a warning light.”
Signs of potential issues include behavioral changes, such as increased secretive phone use. In these instances, he recommends approaching the topic with curiosity rather than accusation. Schroeder elaborates that many engage in microcheating seeking the excitement of a new relationship. However, recognizing these actions in oneself can be enlightening and isn’t necessarily a relationship’s end. Sometimes, such challenges can catalyze rebuilding, helping couples understand underlying needs.