The Deep Impact of Pet Loss and How Friends Can Assist

PARIS — The lingering pain of losing a cherished pet can unexpectedly resurface, catching owners off-guard even months after the pet’s departure. A familiar sound, or the absence of it—like the lack of your cat’s gentle pads in the hallway—can trigger a wave of sadness. Finding your late dog’s old leash can summon fond memories but also underscore the sense of loss.

Pet grieving owners often encounter a unique form of loneliness if those around them don’t know quite how to offer support. Friends and family might struggle to understand the depth of the bond between a pet and its owner, particularly if they are not pet owners themselves or feel uncomfortable with expressions of grief.

Pet bereavement experts suggest that acknowledging the intensity of such feelings is a crucial first step. The grief experienced from losing a pet can be as profound as losing a human loved one. Some people forge incredibly close connections with their animals, relying on them for companionship and comfort throughout daily life, notes E.B. Bartels, the author of “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.”

Providing a supportive presence by simply listening can offer significant comfort to grieving pet owners. Well-intentioned phrases like “They were just an animal” or “You can always get another pet” can inadvertently cause more harm than good, making the owner feel misunderstood and isolated.

It’s vital to recognize that the emotional connection humans build with their pets varies widely and is not contingent on the pet’s size or species. A pet fish or lizard can be just as dear as a more traditional pet like a cat or dog. The loss of any pet can disturb a person’s emotional ecosystem and routine, eroding their social community, as explained by Bartels.

For many, the guilt exacerbates the pain of loss. A significant number contacting pet-loss support services, like those offered by Blue Cross in the U.K., express guilt over their pet’s passing. Owners may question their actions, wondering if different decisions might have prolonged their pet’s life.

In some cases, people feel more affected by the loss of a pet than a relative, which can stir conflicting emotions of guilt and confusion, points out Annalisa de Carteret, who manages a pet-loss helpline. It’s important to validate these feelings as normal.

While adopting a new pet might offer solace, it is not a guaranteed remedy. Each pet has a unique presence and personality, and a new pet will not replicate the bond shared with a previous one. The process of grieving is individual and ongoing; there is no quick fix.

The memories of pets like Bartels’ dog, Seymour, who passed nearly a year ago, continue to evoke emotions as anniversaries approach. Similarly, de Carteret keeps her late dog’s ashes in a special place by the fireplace, illustrating how personal each grieving process is. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution—each pet owner must find their own path to healing.