Jimmy Kimmel had plenty to say about the release of John F. Kennedy’s assassination files. He compared the event to a long-awaited holiday. “Today was like Christmas morning for conspiracy theorists,” he said. But the delay frustrated many. “Santa took forever to come down the chimney,” he joked. Kimmel also mocked filmmaker Oliver Stone, known for his obsession with the JFK assassination. “Poor Oliver Stone had to endure a 12-hour erection today.” The joke set the tone for Kimmel’s sharp commentary on the event. Jimmy Kimmel on JFK Files provided a mix of humor and critique regarding the release.
He also suggested the government may have had its reasons for the delay. “Maybe they had to let the documents dry after fishing them out of Trump’s toilet.” The files were supposed to bring clarity, but Kimmel joked that the release was more about distraction. “I guess they were trying to build anticipation? Or maybe they wanted to keep us too busy reading to notice the 200 horrible things they did today.”
Kimmel Mocks the Massive Number of Pages in the JFK Files
The release included over 80,000 pages of documents. Jimmy Kimmel on JFK Files pointed out just how overwhelming that is. “That’s almost 20 times longer than the entire Harry Potter book series,” he said. “In other words, it’s going to take me forever to read this to my kids tonight.” His comparison highlighted how impractical it was for the average person to go through all the files.
He implied that the sheer volume might be intentional. “It’s like when they dump all the embarrassing news on a Friday night, except this time, they dumped 80,000 pages at once.” The joke resonated with those who felt the government was burying important information in an avalanche of paperwork. Kimmel’s commentary turned a dry, bureaucratic event into an entertaining critique of how the government handles sensitive information.
Trump’s Role at the Kennedy Center Becomes Another Kimmel Target
Kimmel didn’t just stop at the JFK files. He also commented on Donald Trump’s new position as chair of the board at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. “Now he’s focused on the important work of making sure liberals don’t ever set foot in the place,” Jimmy Kimmel on JFK Files joked. The irony of Trump leading a cultural institution named after JFK was not lost on him.
Trump also suggested hosting the Kennedy Center Honors because he believes he is the “king of ratings.” Kimmel, a former Oscars host, found the idea laughable. “That would be so great—him hosting an awards show, me at home tweeting insults while he does it.” He painted a ridiculous picture of Trump attempting to deliver a monologue. “Let’s squeeze that load into a tuxedo, push him out on stage, and let him do a 40-minute speech about windmills and sharks.” The imagery made it clear how absurd Kimmel found the entire situation.
Kimmel’s Final Take on the JFK Files and Government Secrecy
Jimmy Kimmel on JFK Files closed out his jokes on the JFK files by returning to their overwhelming length. “It’s going to take me forever to read this to my kids tonight,” he said. His repeated comparison to bedtime stories emphasized how excessive the document dump was. Instead of offering clear answers, it only added to the confusion.
His jokes highlighted a larger issue—how the government handles classified information. After decades of secrecy, the public finally got access to the files, but the sheer volume made it nearly impossible to find anything useful. Kimmel’s humor made a complicated topic more accessible. Through sharp wit and sarcasm, Jimmy Kimmel on JFK Files turned a historic event into a late-night comedy moment.
